Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
