My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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