Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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