My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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