at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
