Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
