Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I did not marry a roomba.
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