I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
