Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
