so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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