I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
