Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
