I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
