I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
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I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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