also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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