69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
