Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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