thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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