I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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