I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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