he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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