I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
