will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
