smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
