this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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