So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
