well you can't waste a boner
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
