How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
