i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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