We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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