haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
