The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
