I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
