her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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