I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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