Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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