Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
