I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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