if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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