giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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