This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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