Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
