Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
