You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Buhtt sex?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
