I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
