I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
