Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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