Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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