Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
