She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
