i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
