I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
