So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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