not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My life is pants optional.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
