You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
