I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
