just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
