they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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